# Father of the groom rehearsal dinner speech: order, length and an example

Source: https://theweddingspeech.ai/guides/father-of-the-groom-rehearsal-dinner-speech

The father of the groom traditionally opens the toasts at the rehearsal dinner, because the groom's family traditionally hosts it. Speak for about three minutes, tell one story about your son, welcome the bride's family, and finish by raising a glass.

## Who speaks and in what order

[Emily Post](https://emilypost.com/advice/the-rehearsal-dinner) says it is "customary, but not obligatory, for the groom's family to host the rehearsal party." [WeddingWire](https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-ideas/showers-and-parties/who-gives-a-toast-at-the-rehearsal-dinner) says that if you want to follow tradition, you ask the groom's father to kick off the toasts and then open the floor to others. [WeddingForward](https://www.weddingforward.com/rehearsal-dinner-speech/) says the father of the bride comes after the groom's father.

WeddingWire notes that nearly half of couples pay for their own events now, so the order is flexible. If you are not the host, check with the couple before assuming you open.

## How long to speak

The sources disagree slightly. WeddingForward's FAQ says around 3 to 5 minutes. WeddingWire says to keep the toasts to a maximum of three minutes. Pick three, which is roughly 400 words at a typical speaking pace.

## How it differs from a wedding-day speech

- **Smaller room.** WeddingWire describes the rehearsal dinner as a more relaxed setting. You can name people at the table and speak to them.
- **More personal.** WeddingForward says rehearsal dinner speakers "don't need to be so formal" and that inside jokes land better because the room is close friends and family.
- **Gentle roasting.** WeddingWire says friends can give "a funny rehearsal dinner speech—or roast". As the father, tease lightly. Emily Post says tales and jokes should be "light-hearted and in good taste", and WeddingForward says to "keep the awkward ones for another event."
- **Not more formal than the wedding.** Emily Post's one rule is that the rehearsal should never be more formal or more lavish than the reception.

Save the big, once-only moments for the reception. Our [father of the groom toast guide](/guides/father-of-the-groom-toast) covers the wedding-day version.

## A structure that works

1. **Thank the guests for coming**, especially anyone who travelled.
2. **Welcome the bride's family** by name.
3. **One story about your son.** Pick a story with a place and a detail.
4. **One thing you have noticed about the bride** and how he is with her.
5. **A wish for their marriage**, short and specific.
6. **The toast.**

## A 200-word example

This example was written for this page. The names and details are invented; change them to yours.

> "Good evening, everyone. I'm Tom, Ben's dad. Thank you all for coming, especially those who flew in. Nora and Gary, welcome. We are so glad to have your family here tonight.
>
> When Ben was nine, he decided to build a raft and sail it across the pond behind our house. I said it would sink. He said it wouldn't. It sank in four seconds. He climbed out, soaked, looked at me and said, 'Version two will be better.'
>
> Version two was better. Version three held a dog. And that is Ben all over. He doesn't give up, and he fixes things with a plan and a good humour.
>
> Then he met Priya, and I watched him slow down and listen. I have never seen him so calm around a deadline. Priya, you have made my son better at being himself.
>
> Marriage will have its sinking moments. I hope you always say to each other, 'Version two will be better.'
>
> Please raise your glasses. To Ben and Priya, to Nora and Gary, and to everyone here who has made us who we are. Cheers."

It runs about 200 words. The humour is at his expense, but kind.

## How to end with a toast

WeddingForward says to wish the couple well in their life together and raise a toast, and to have guests raise their glasses to the happy couple. Emily Post describes the couple often proposing a toast to their parents and then to all guests, so leave them room to do that.

Say "please raise your glasses", say the names, and stop speaking while glasses are up.

## If you are in the UK

A rehearsal dinner is a mainly American custom and is less common at UK weddings. The father of the groom usually speaks, if at all, at the wedding breakfast. If that is your situation, read our [father of the groom speech UK guide](/guides/father-of-the-groom-speech-uk). The wider [rehearsal dinner toast guide](/guides/rehearsal-dinner-toast) covers other speakers.

## Write yours with help

If you would rather start from a draft, answer five questions about your son and the bride and [see your free speech preview](/questions). The structure above is the one it follows.