Best man speech (UK): when it comes, how long, who to thank, and what to leave out

The best man traditionally speaks third, after the father of the bride and the groom, and most guides suggest somewhere between three and eight minutes. Keep the thanks short, the stories kind and finish on a toast to the couple.

When the best man speaks

Bredenbury Court says the best man speaks third at a UK wedding, after the groom. Bridebook gives the same traditional order and adds that it is flexible and can change, for example when step-parents also speak. Our order of speeches guide shows where sources differ on the other speakers.

How long to speak

Sources do not agree, so pick a length that suits the room.

• Bredenbury Court: 5 to 8 minutes, roughly 700 to 1,000 words. It warns that anything over ten minutes loses the room.
• Bridebook: three to five minutes.
• Our own five things for a best man's speech suggests about five minutes.

Bridebook's guide to wedding speeches gives no length for the best man.

Who to thank

The best man has the shortest thank-you list of the main speakers.

• The groom's toast to the bridesmaids. Bredenbury Court says to respond to it, on the bridesmaids' behalf, in one or two lines. WeddingPlanner.co.uk also says the groom usually toasts the best man.
• Parents and the bridal party. Bridebook says he may thank the parents of the bride and groom and the bridal party for their support.
• Nobody the groom already thanked. Bredenbury Court lists a second round of thanks the groom has already covered as something to leave out.

An outline

Bredenbury Court suggests four parts: thank, story, story, toast.

1. Thanks. Respond to the groom's toast to the bridesmaids in one or two lines.
2. A warm story. Short, and showing the groom's character.
3. A funnier story. Keep it kind. Land the joke, then move on.
4. The toast. Read any messages from absent guests, give the absent friends toast near the end, then propose the final toast to the couple. Agree the wording and names with the couple beforehand.

Bredenbury Court puts warmth first and humour second, and says to keep jokes affectionate and aimed at the groom. Bridebook's mistakes guide adds that you should give the partner a specific compliment or story, not a passing mention. WeddingPlanner.co.uk also says the best man must mention the bride and congratulate the couple.

What to leave out

Bredenbury Court's list:

• Anything about previous partners, on either side.
• Stag-do stories you would need to edit as you tell them.
• Inside jokes that exclude most of the room.
• Long lists of the jobs you had to do that day.
• A second round of thanks the groom has already covered.

Bridebook's mistakes guide agrees on inside jokes, saying to explain references briefly so guests outside the wedding party can follow, and warns against turning the speech into a roast. Its advice is to cut any story that would make the couple or their families wince. Bridebook's speech guide says to test your jokes on a few people first. Our guide to avoiding offence in wedding speeches covers the wider audience.

Prepare

Bredenbury Court says to run the rough shape past the groom about a fortnight before, checking topics rather than jokes so you do not repeat his stories or cross a line. Bridebook says to write the speech down and rehearse it aloud, ideally in front of one honest listener, and to carry a printed copy with key-word prompts. Bredenbury Court suggests reading it aloud, standing, three times and timing it.

Start your draft

Answer five questions on theweddingspeech.ai and see your free speech preview.