Bride's speech (UK): is it traditional, when it goes and what to say

A bride's speech is not part of the traditional UK line-up, but it is becoming more common, and it is entirely your choice. Wedding Shop suggests about six minutes if you do speak.

Is it traditional?

No. Wedding Shop says speeches and toasts were traditionally reserved for the groom, father of the bride and best man, and that the choice to speak is yours. Bridebook's speech guide calls it a less traditional part of a wedding, and says it is becoming more common for the bride to speak at the reception.

When does the bride speak?

The sources do not agree.

• Bridebook: in its traditional order the bride's speech comes fifth of six, only if she wishes, and it notes the order can vary. Its speech order guide says bride and maid of honour speeches generally follow the best man.
• WeddingPlanner.co.uk: its order guide puts an optional bride's speech after the groom and before the best man.
• Wedding Shop: no fixed slot, and it suggests you might consider going early, before the other toasts.

Our order of speeches guide sets these side by side. If you want to speak, tell the person co-ordinating the speeches (often the toastmaster or best man) where you would like to go.

How long to speak

Wedding Shop says "a perfect duration for the bride's speech is about 6 minutes", roughly 900 words, and recommends trimming anything unnecessary. A Yahoo UK article says five to eight minutes and that quality matters more than duration, so wrap up before the audience starts to drift. Bridebook's guide gives no length for the bride. For the other speakers' ranges, see how long a wedding speech should be.

What to say

Wedding Shop's template has five parts:

1. Welcome your guests.
2. Thank the people who supported you.
3. Share a genuine, unique story about your relationship.
4. Connect that story to your wedding day.
5. Close with a toast to love and to everyone present.

On who to thank, Wedding Shop says your bridal party and anyone who helped in the lead-up to the wedding, and to thank guests for celebrating with you. Bridebook says the speech is usually a chance to express love and gratitude to your new husband, family and friends, and mentions thanking the wedding planner and vendors. WeddingPlanner.co.uk says the bride would thank the groom and his parents first, then her bridesmaids and parents (see our order guide).

Dos and don'ts

The Yahoo UK article quotes wedding speech advice that is worth keeping beside the outline:

• Do be sincere. Its advice is to be "authentic and be who you are", and to mention the groom, sentimentally or humorously depending on who you are and who is listening.
• Do tailor it to the audience. Humour may not translate across a mixed-culture guest list, and you will be family with your in-laws for the long term.
• Do practise. Learn your opening lines, and confirm where you will stand and which microphone you will use.
• Don't run long in-jokes. A brief one is fine; a long one leaves other guests lost.
• Don't try to be a comedian. Its advice is "leave comedy to the comedians".
• Don't drink too much beforehand. One glass of champagne is fine; save the rest for after.
• Don't forget to smile or rush. The audience wants you to succeed.

If you only want to say a few words

Nothing in these sources requires a full speech. A short thank-you and toast follows the same outline, trimmed to the first, second and fifth steps.

Start your draft

Answer five questions on theweddingspeech.ai and see your free speech preview. For the shape of the middle, our simple 3-part structure works for any speaker.