Engagement party speech: who speaks, how long, and what to say

An engagement party speech is a short toast, usually two minutes or less, given by the host, the couple or a close friend. Thank the guests, say something warm and specific about the couple, raise a glass, and save your best stories for the wedding.

Who speaks

There is no fixed line-up, but the sources describe a common pattern.

Speaker	What they usually do	Source
Host, often a parent	Welcome guests and announce or celebrate the engagement	Inside Weddings, Bridebook
The other partner's parent	An optional second toast	Inside Weddings
The couple	Thank the hosts and guests	Inside Weddings, Bridebook
A friend or sibling	A few words about the couple	Bridebook

Inside Weddings says "the first toast is made by the father of the bride in the form of an announcement of the engagement," and "if the groom's parents are there, a toast from his father is also a nice touch." It adds that "the couple themselves may also wish to raise a glass to their hosts, their future in-laws, or their guests." That was written with the bride's family as hosts in mind; if someone else is hosting, it makes sense for them to take the first toast.

Bridebook says that "traditionally, you should be prepared to give a short speech at your engagement party," and that it "could be one of you or both of you." If a parent or someone else is hosting, "then it's also common for them to thank everyone for coming." Beyond that, "anyone else is also more than welcome to say a few words."

Speeches are not compulsory. Bridebook says that at a relaxed party a speech "probably" isn't expected, though a quick thank-you "can't hurt."

How long to speak

Short. Bridebook says "generally, you wouldn't want to speak for more than a couple of minutes," and "no one expects an engagement party speech to go on longer than two minutes or so."

VirtualSpeech gives 100 to 150 words per minute as a comfortable pace, so two minutes is about 200 to 300 words. That is room for a welcome, one story or observation, and a toast. Our short wedding speech examples show how much fits in that length.

When to speak

Bridebook: "If it's informal, you might want to give a quick thanks to your guests early in the night once everyone's arrived. If it's formal, either right before or right after dinner works best." Inside Weddings says the toast "typically occurs midway through the party once all of the guests have arrived and have had a chance to mingle for a bit."

Either way, wait until the room is full, and make sure the people who matter most to the couple are in it.

What to say, by speaker

If you are hosting (often a parent)

1. Welcome and thank guests for coming, especially anyone who travelled.
2. Announce or celebrate the engagement.
3. Welcome your child's partner, and their family if they are there, by name.
4. Raise a glass to the couple.

If you are the couple

Bridebook suggests you "thank everyone for coming and how much it means that they're there to celebrate with you." It also says "you might not choose to talk about your relationship at all and save that for the wedding." Thank the hosts by name. If you are speaking together, split it simply: one of you thanks the hosts, the other thanks the guests. Our joint wedding speech guide has more on speaking as a pair.

If you are a friend or sibling

Bridebook says to "introduce yourself and how you know the couple" and to "offer compliments about the strength of the couple and how great they are together." Keep it to one short story, and remember that you may be giving a longer speech at the wedding itself.

Save the big material for the wedding

The engagement party is the warm-up. Bridebook says "make sure you keep most of your material and best jokes for the wedding itself," and calls the engagement party "a warm-up for the main event!" If you are the best man or maid of honour, don't use your best story now.

It also says to "avoid too many in-jokes." Engagement parties often mix the two families for the first time, so many guests won't know your shared history.

How to make it specific, not generic

A two-minute speech has no room for filler, so every line should be about these two people:

• Name the moment they got engaged, if the couple are happy to share it: the place, the weather, who cried first.
• One detail only you know. A parent might mention the first time their child brought their partner home and what they did that won everyone over. A friend might mention the text they got the night of the proposal.
• Use both names, and the other family's names if they are there.
• Skip the clichés. "Two become one" and "the start of a beautiful journey" could be said about anyone.

Short examples

These examples were written for this page. The names and details are invented; swap in your own.

A parent hosting:

"Thank you all for coming, especially the Okafors, who drove down from Manchester this morning. The first time Kemi brought Tom home, he washed up without being asked, then fixed the dripping tap I'd been ignoring for a year. I said to my wife that night, 'That one's a keeper.' Tom, Kemi, we're so happy for you. Please raise your glasses: to Kemi and Tom."

The couple:

"Thank you all for being here, and thank you to Mum and Dad for hosting, and for the lasagne. We know some of you came a long way. We're saving the speeches for the wedding, so for now: please eat, drink, and get to know each other. You'll be seeing a lot more of each other."

Each runs under a minute, which leaves time for others.

Toast or speech?

At an engagement party the words are used loosely. Our guide to a wedding toast vs a wedding speech explains the difference, and why it is worth asking the hosts what they expect.

Start your draft

Answer five questions about the couple and the stories you want to tell, and see your free speech preview.