Father of the bride speech (UK): what to say, how long and an outline

The father of the bride traditionally gives the first speech at a UK wedding. Sources disagree on length, from about 5 minutes to a 10 minute maximum, so ask the couple what slot they have in mind and plan to the shorter end.

Where you fit

Bridebook lists the traditional UK order as father of the bride, groom, best man. Our guide to the order of wedding speeches covers the variations, including a mother of the bride speech in place of the father's.

How long to speak

The sources do not agree, so here are all of them:

• Bridebook: 7 to 9 minutes, ideally no more than 12, and traditionally the longest speech.
• Country House Weddings: 5 to 6 minutes.
• WeddingsOnline.ie (an Irish site): 10 minutes at the most. It calls that "more time than you think you'll need" and gives a 25 minute-plus speech as an example to avoid, because guests start counting down the minutes.

If several people are speaking, Country House Weddings suggests 3 to 5 minutes each in a larger line-up, with the whole run of speeches under 30 minutes. Our length guide compares the ranges for every speaker.

An outline you can follow

Bridebook's father of the bride tips give this order. It gives no target length, so the minutes are yours to set.

1. Welcome the guests. Thank everyone who contributed financially without mentioning any amounts, and give a special welcome to guests who travelled a long way.
2. Thank the people who helped. Bridebook names the ushers, bridesmaids and staff, plus the people who helped raise your daughter.
3. Praise the bride. Bridebook says this section needs the most planning. Its sub-sections are stories from her childhood, her personal, academic and professional achievements, how proud you are of the woman she has become, and how beautiful she looks on her wedding day.
4. Welcome the new family members. Welcome the groom and his parents. You can talk about how you first met him, how he asked for your daughter's hand, or his good qualities, and light humour about your daughter's quirks can work here.
5. Share a word of wisdom. Bridebook suggests advice for the newlyweds drawn from your own marriage, or carefully chosen quotes about love and marriage.
6. Propose the toast. Ask everyone to stand and raise a glass to the newlyweds.

WeddingsOnline.ie gives a shorter version of the same shape: introduce yourself as the bride's father (with an optional joke), welcome the guests and mention absent family and friends, focus on your daughter, welcome your new son-in-law or daughter-in-law, and finish with a toast. It says the part about your daughter is the part guests most want to hear, and that it should be short and heartfelt, with a story about her growing up and how much you love her.

The two outlines differ on details. Bridebook adds a thank-you section and a word of wisdom, while WeddingsOnline.ie adds a mention of absent loved ones and a line about the bride's mother. Use whichever pieces fit your family.

What to leave out

• Amounts of money. Bridebook says to thank contributors without naming sums.
• Threats to the groom. Bridebook notes that threatening the groom with harm if he misbehaves rarely lands as a joke.
• Copied speeches. Bridebook warns against copying other speeches word for word.
• Humour that is not you. Bridebook says to skip it if it does not suit your style or the tone of the wedding.
• Heavy teasing of the new partner. WeddingsOnline.ie says playful teasing is fine if it suits your relationship, but not to overdo it.

Delivery

Bridebook's tips are to practise out loud, including in front of friends or family, take a few deep breaths before you start, speak slowly and pause between sentences, and make eye contact with different parts of the room.

Keep going

For a way to organise the middle of your speech, our simple 3-part structure works for any speaker.

Start your draft

Answer five questions on theweddingspeech.ai and see your free speech preview.