Groom's speech (UK): who to thank, in what order, and an outline

The groom traditionally speaks second, after the father of the bride, and most UK guides suggest about 8 to 10 minutes. The usual shape is thanks first, then the bride, and a toast to close.

When the groom speaks

Bridebook puts the groom's speech second in the traditional order, following the father of the bride. Our order of speeches guide shows where the sources differ on the extra speakers.

Who to thank

Sources agree on the core list and differ on the extras.

• Guests and both sets of parents. Clevedon Hall lists everyone for coming, then both sets of parents, and says to give the bride's parents and your own equal mention. Guides for Brides lists the guests and both sets of parents too.
• The father of the bride. Guides for Brides says to thank him for his speech. Clevedon Hall suggests complimenting it as an opening, since the groom's speech traditionally follows his.
• The wedding party. Clevedon Hall lists the best man and ushers, then the maid of honour and bridesmaids. Guides for Brides lists the best man and the bridesmaids.
• Helpers. Clevedon Hall includes anyone with a special contribution, such as someone who made the cake, lent a car or did the flowers. Bridebook says to thank anyone who helped with the planning.
• Paid suppliers. Great Speech Writing says not to thank people paid to be there, such as caterers or florists. Bridebook's guide, in its bride's speech section, does mention thanking the wedding planner and vendors, so this is a matter of taste.

Great Speech Writing's practical tip is to list everyone first, then trim, and to group people (siblings, ushers, guests who travelled far) so the thanks do not sound like a "school register". It also suggests thanking more distant relatives in person on the dance floor.

How long to speak

• Clevedon Hall: about eight minutes, plus a couple of minutes for laughter and applause. It says shorter may seem unserious and longer lets attention wander.
• Guides for Brides: about 10 minutes.

Bridebook's guide gives no length for the groom. Our length guide compares the ranges for every speaker. Great Speech Writing says to give your bride at least half your speech time.

An outline

Great Speech Writing offers an eight-step guideline, not a rule:

1. Thank the bride's father and welcome the guests.
2. Acknowledge guests who travelled.
3. Mention your wife early.
4. Link to key family members, such as your parents.
5. Use stories from your relationship to tie in further thanks.
6. Say, sincerely, what marriage means to you, without getting overly sentimental.
7. Lighten the mood with final thanks, possibly introducing the best man.
8. End with a toast.

Guides for Brides splits it in two instead: traditional thanks in the first half, finishing with thanks to your new wife for agreeing to marry you and helping plan the day, then the relationship and compliments to the bride in the second half, with a one-liner about the best man's speech before the final toast. Clevedon Hall agrees you should save the bulk of the praise for last and finish on your wife.

The toast

Great Speech Writing says the speech traditionally ends with a toast to the bridesmaids. Clevedon Hall and Guides for Brides both suggest toasting the bridesmaids earlier, while thanking them, so you can end with a toast to your new wife.

Keep it fitting for the room

The audience includes both families. Our guide to avoiding offence in wedding speeches is a quick check before you finalise.

Start your draft

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