Maid of honour speech (UK): structure, length and what to avoid

A maid of honour speech is a modern addition to the traditional UK line-up, and most sources put it at roughly 4 to 7 minutes. They disagree on the exact figure, so aim for the shorter end unless the couple have asked for more.

Is it traditional?

Not strictly. Bridebook lists the traditional UK order as father of the bride, groom, best man, and says bride and maid of honour speeches are becoming more commonplace and generally follow the best man, though the order needn't be set in stone. WeddingPlanner.co.uk says the best man toasts the maid of honour after his speech. Our order of speeches guide covers where the sources differ, so ask the couple where you fit.

How long to speak

• Bridebook's maid of honour tips: 5 to 7 minutes, roughly 700 to 900 words. It says nerves usually speed you up, so a six-minute rehearsal may run closer to five on the day.
• Bridebook's length guide: 4 to 6 minutes.
• Country House Weddings: 4 to 5 minutes.

Bridebook's two pages overlap but do not match. Our length guide lists the range for every speaker, so you can see how your speech sits next to the others.

A structure to follow

Bridebook's maid of honour speech examples page gives six parts, and its tips page gives a similar five-part version with timings: an introduction of 30 to 45 seconds, 2 to 3 minutes of stories about the bride, 45 to 60 seconds on when she met her partner, 45 to 60 seconds on something genuine about the couple, and a 30 second toast. The two pages differ slightly in detail, so this merges them:

1. Introduce yourself. Say who you are, how long you have known the bride and how you met, with one detail that hints at the story to come. Bridebook also suggests thanking the families and the bride for choosing you, briefly.
2. Stories about the bride. One or two specific moments that show who she is. Bridebook calls this the core of the speech. The examples page also suggests an anecdote or two about planning the wedding.
3. Celebrate who she is. Use personal stories rather than generic praise. Bridebook's advice is "show, don't list".
4. The couple's story. A happy memory from early in their relationship, such as their first date or the proposal, or what changed for her when she met her partner.
5. Their partner. Tease only if you know them well. Otherwise, describe what they have brought out in her or why they work together.
6. Advice and toast. The examples page suggests heartfelt advice on love and commitment. Finish on both of them by name and raise your glass. Bridebook's tips say not to add another joke or story after the toast.

What to avoid

Drawing on Bridebook's two pages:

• Anything that is not right for the whole room. The audience includes parents, grandparents, children and colleagues. The examples page warns against graphic stories about misspent youths, and the tips page suggests asking whether the bride's mum would be comfortable hearing it.
• Overlap with the best man. Check with him at least a week before the wedding, says the tips page, so you do not tell the same stories.
• Generic adjectives. Words such as "caring", "funny" and "sweet" say little. Replace them with a story.
• Outdated tropes. Both pages warn against "Bridezilla" jokes, and the tips page adds framing marriage as the end of freedom. The examples page also warns against roasting the bride.
• Long thank-you lists. Bridebook says these are largely the groom's job.
• Running over. The tips page says not to go beyond seven minutes.

Delivery

Bridebook's advice is to rehearse several times, hold the microphone on or just below your chin, and make eye contact instead of reading from your notes.

Keep going

For a way to shape the middle, see the simple 3-part structure.

Start your draft

Answer five questions on theweddingspeech.ai and see your free speech preview.