Speech at your mum's or dad's wedding: what to say as their son or daughter

At your mum's or dad's wedding, speak mostly about your parent, then welcome their new partner honestly, even if you have only met them a few times. One story about your parent, one thing you have noticed about them as a couple, a wish and a toast is a complete speech.

You are in an unusual spot

Most wedding speech advice assumes you have known the couple for years and have plenty of shared stories. A son or daughter at a parent's wedding often has the opposite problem. You know one of them better than anyone in the room, and the other one hardly at all.

That is common. One person posting on Reddit's r/bridesmaids about a toast for their mum's wedding wrote that they had "only seen the guy like 3 or 4 times", while away at college. They knew he was shy and liked classic metal, and not much else.

You do not need more than that. You need to be honest about what you know, and generous about it.

Talk mostly about your parent

You are the expert on your mum or dad. Use that. Pick one moment that shows who they are: something they did for you, a habit everyone recognises, a thing they always say. Keep it short and kind. This is their wedding, so leave out anything that makes them look foolish in front of the new family.

If your parent was single for a long time, or had a hard time after a divorce or a death, you can mention it in a sentence, without detail. "It is lovely to see Mum this happy" says enough. The past relationship and your other parent stay out of it, unless your parent has asked you to mention them.

Our guide to the second wedding speech covers how the other speakers handle a previous marriage.

Welcome the new partner honestly

This is the part people dread. The rule we suggest is simple: say only what is true.

All Speeches Great and Small gives the same advice from the other side. In its guide for a groom who is becoming a stepfather, it says that if relationships are still new, he should not claim how proud he is. Instead, talk about "how much you're looking forward to play a part in their lives and get to know them more". That works just as well in your direction.

Things you can say truthfully even if you hardly know them:

• What you have seen of your parent around them: they laugh more, they seem calmer, they talk about them on the phone.
• A detail you do know, said warmly: a shared taste in music, how they made you feel welcome at Christmas.
• That you are looking forward to knowing them better.

If you need a story, ask your parent, or one of the partner's friends or family, for one specific moment. Our guide to a wedding speech for someone you're not close to explains how to gather two or three stories from other people.

If they have children too

If your parent's partner has children, mention them by name. You are now connected to them as well, and leaving them out will be noticed. A line such as "and to Jamie and Sophie, it's good to have you in the family" is enough. All Speeches Great and Small warns, in the same guide, that "any omission speaks just as loudly as a dedicated paragraph."

A simple structure

1. Who you are. "For those who don't know me, I'm Ellie, Karen's daughter."
2. One story about your parent. Short, kind and specific.
3. What you have seen of them together. One or two lines.
4. The welcome. To the partner, and their children if they have any.
5. A wish and the toast. Ask everyone to raise their glasses and name them both.

This shape keeps the speech about the couple, not about you. If you are worried it is drifting the other way, our guide to writing a wedding speech about the couple has checks you can run on a draft.

How long

Two to three minutes is plenty. You are probably not one of the traditional speakers, so ask your parent where you fit in the running order and how long they want you to speak.

Example speech

This is an example written for this page; the names and details are invented. It runs about 200 words, under two minutes at a steady pace.

Example: Hello, everyone. I'm Ellie, Karen's daughter.

When I was nine, I decided I was going to be a drummer. Mum didn't have the money for a drum kit, so she bought me a practice pad and a pair of sticks, and for two years she let me bash away at the kitchen table every evening while she cooked. She never once asked me to stop. That's my mum. She backs you, even when it's loud.

I'll be honest: I haven't known Rob very long. I was away at university for most of it. But I've noticed some things. Mum laughs more on the phone now. She's started taking walks on a Sunday. And the first time I came home, Rob had made up the spare room and left a pile of my favourite biscuits on the bed. Mum had told him about the biscuits. He'd remembered.

Rob, I'm looking forward to getting to know you properly. And to Sam, welcome to the family.

Please raise your glasses to Karen and Rob.

Start your draft

Answer five questions on theweddingspeech.ai and see your free speech preview. Then put it in your own words, and keep only what is true for you.