How to write a wedding speech without jokes

A wedding speech does not need jokes. A sincere speech lands when it has one true story, details only you could know, one warm line the room remembers, and a pace slow enough to let it sink in.

You do not have to be funny

Guides for Brides interviewed Peter Edge, a professional speaker. He said: "It's not absolutely essential for a good wedding speech to be funny, but it can really help." He also said: "I've seen and heard some beautiful wedding speeches which haven't been 'funny' at all," and "sincerity and authenticity count for a lot."

On jokes found online, he said: "I wouldn't want people relying on them". A borrowed joke that you deliver nervously is riskier than no joke at all. Our guide to wedding speech jokes to avoid lists the kinds that most often fall flat.

The rest of this page is our own advice, built on that and the sources below.

What a sincere speech needs instead

Without punchlines, a speech still needs something for the room to hold on to. Four things do that job.

One story

Paperlust's guide to writing a wedding speech puts "Tell one defining story" at the centre of its structure, then reflects on what the story reveals. That is the core of a sincere speech. Pick one moment that shows who the person is: a night they turned up, a habit, a thing they said that stuck. One story told well beats five listed.

Our wedding speech template shows where the story sits in the full speech.

Specifics

Detail is what makes sincerity believable. "She is kind" is a claim. "She drove two hours with soup when I had flu, and then complained about the traffic the whole time" is evidence. Guests do not need to laugh to lean in; they need to recognise the person you are describing.

A few prompts to find specifics:

• What did they do the first time you met?
• What do they always say, order, forget or carry?
• When did you first see the couple together, and what did you notice?

One warm line

Choose one sentence you want people to remember and build towards it. It might be what the story shows ("That is who Sam is: the person who comes back"), or a wish for the couple. Say it once, plainly, then stop. Repeating it or decorating it weakens it.

A clean ending

A sincere speech can feel like it trails off without a laugh to finish on. The fix is the toast. Finish your warm line, ask everyone to raise their glasses, and name the couple.

Pacing

Humour gives a speech natural pauses while the room laughs. Without it, you have to make the pauses yourself.

London Speech Workshop advises: "Speak more slowly and clearly than you otherwise would." It also says to "pause in between sentences to allow your audience to digest your message", and to "vary the pace of your speech as well as your tone".

In practice:

• Pause after the story, before you say what it means.
• Pause before your warm line, and after it.
• Read slowly. VirtualSpeech gives 100 to 150 words a minute as a comfortable pace, so a 400-word speech takes about three to four minutes.

If the thought of standing up is the hard part, our guide to wedding speech nerves covers rehearsing and delivery.

Length

Peter Edge told Guides for Brides that "five minutes is plenty long enough for any of the traditional wedding speeches", and: "Keep it short, but don't waste any words." A serious speech has less to carry it than a funny one, so the shorter end usually works better. Two to four minutes is a good target.

A few things to avoid

• Apologising for not being funny. Opening with "I'm not a comedian" sets expectations low and draws attention to it. Just start.
• Reading a long poem or quote instead of saying something yourself. One short line can work, but the guests came to hear you.
• Going heavy. Sincere is not the same as sombre. Long passages about loss, illness or hard times can overwhelm the room.
• Listing qualities. Kind, loyal, generous and funny, said in a row, sounds like a reference letter. Show one of them with a story.

Example speech without jokes

This is an example written for this page. The names and story are invented. It runs about 220 words, under two minutes at a steady pace.

Example: Good evening, everyone. I'm Tom, and I've known Sam since we were eleven.

I want to tell you about one night. Eight years ago my car broke down on the A1 at two in the morning, in the rain. I rang three people. Two didn't answer. Sam did, and he said, "Where are you?" Not "what happened", not "can it wait". Just "where are you".

He drove forty minutes, sat with me on the hard shoulder until the recovery van came, and then drove me home. He had work at eight. He never mentioned it again.

That's who Sam is. He's the person who comes.

Priya, I knew you were the one for him the first time I saw you two together. Sam got a phone call at dinner that his gran had had a fall, and before he'd put the phone down, you had your coat on. Not "what happened". Just "let's go".

So I don't worry about you two. Whatever the road brings, you'll both turn up.

Please raise your glasses to Sam and Priya.

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