Wedding speech jokes to avoid, and what works instead

Avoid jokes only a few guests understand, jokes about exes, insults dressed as banter and anything that could offend someone in the room. Wedding audiences span ages and backgrounds, so the safe target is a gentle, affectionate tease.

The ten jokes to avoid

Great Speech Writing's list of ten wedding speech jokes to avoid comes from a UK speechwriting service. Its ten, in our words with short quotes:

1. The in-joke. Unless the audience knows the reference, "you'll leave them baffled and excluded."
2. The joke that announces itself. Saying "This next story is absolutely hilarious!" sets the bar too high.
3. The over-explained joke. Keep the set-up short and "get to the point".
4. The poorly executed joke. Confusing delivery leaves it "barely even identifiable as jokes".
5. The "me, me, me" joke. Boasting at someone else's expense can "belittle" the person you are talking about.
6. Audience participation and props. You are "at the mercy of several unpredictable factors".
7. The offensive joke. Guests vary in age, background and beliefs, and it "definitely isn't the time" for crude material.
8. The worn-out joke. Familiar gags have lost their impact through overuse.
9. The far-too-personal joke. It says "we really don't need to hear about the groom's experience with various ex-girlfriends".
10. The insult in disguise. "An insult is really not a joke, and that's exactly how it will come across."

What Bridebook adds

Bridebook's best man mistakes guide is written for the best man but applies to any speaker. It warns against speeches built on "embarrassing stories, past relationships, or conquests", and advises: "Avoid stories about the groom's exes." Its test: "If a story would make either of them wince rather than laugh, cut it." It also says "a few affectionate jabs land well", and that a speech full of references only the wedding party understands "leaves most of the room checked out".

A quick check before you keep a joke

• Would the couple be comfortable with their parents hearing it? This is Bridebook's gut check.
• Would a guest who has never met you understand it? If not, explain it briefly or cut it.
• Is the target the speaker, the couple together, or one person alone? A joke on yourself is usually safest. That is our rule of thumb, not a quote from a source.
• Has anyone honest heard it? Bridebook recommends rehearsing aloud in front of one trusted person who will give honest feedback.

What works instead

The sources point to affectionate teasing over cruelty. Bridebook says a few jabs land well, provided the story passes the wince test above. Our guide to the best man's speech covers what Bridebook and Bredenbury Court say a best man should leave out, and our blog post on avoiding offence in wedding speeches covers the wider audience, such as older relatives and guests from other cultures.

None of these sources gives a count of how many jokes to include. Short, kind and well timed beats many.

If the room does not laugh

Do not repeat or explain the joke. Move on to the next sentence. Great Speech Writing's advice on over-explaining applies: a joke that needs a long defence has already lost the room.

When someone might be hurt

If a joke touches a divorce, an illness or a death in the family, leave it out. Divorced parents need particular care: see our father of the bride speech when parents are divorced for how to handle it.

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