Father of the bride speech when the parents are divorced

Mention the bride's mother briefly and warmly, thank her for raising your daughter, and keep the speech about the bride, not the divorce. Leaving her out entirely is the riskiest choice.

What the advice says about the ex-wife

All Speeches Great and Small's guide for divorced fathers is a speechwriting service's advice, so weigh it as one view. It makes three points:

• Do not score points. It says "never use the speech as a points scoring exercise", and that bitterness will be remembered.
• Do not leave her out. It says "don't completely omit her from the speech", because "glaring omissions... ring as loudly" as anything you do say.
• Thank her for raising your daughter, even if you do not mean every word. It suggests this openness can ease long-standing tension.

If you and your ex-wife do not get on, the same source says to use less of her but not to remove her. Keep the focus on the bride: the day is about her, not past grievances. One warm sentence is enough.

New partners and stepfamily

The same guide says that if your ex-wife's new partner plays a real part in your daughter's life, you should mention him, choosing your words with care in case the bride has issues with him.

It also covers your own new partner and any stepchildren. Mention them in the later part of the speech rather than the introduction, because new partners named early "can seem a little misplaced and ultimately cause resentment". The speech should come from you and the bride's mother, not from new partners.

For a large blended family, it says to avoid reading out every name. A general acknowledgement works better than something that "resembles the school register".

Sharing the toast

Easy Weddings is an Australian site, so its customs may differ from a UK wedding. It says fathers often give the toast, but the couple could "invite both your parents to contribute" so neither feels sidelined. Even if one declines, it says the offer shows they "have equal importance in your big day."

That is the couple's decision, not yours alone. Ask the bride whether her mother wants to speak, and what she would like you to cover.

Outside the speech

Easy Weddings also lists practical points, which are about the day rather than your words:

• Seat divorced parents at separate tables, but make sure both have a good position with a view of the head table.
• Tell the photographer to stand your parents apart in group shots.
• Brief the videographer not to film either parent's face while the other is speaking.
• If your parents argue, do not take sides. It suggests you "walk away and refuse to either engage, or take sides".

A simple order for your speech

This is our suggestion, built from the advice above, not a quoted template:

1. Welcome the guests and thank them for coming, especially anyone who travelled.
2. Talk about your daughter: one or two stories that show her character.
3. Thank her mother in one or two sentences for raising her.
4. Welcome the groom and his family, keeping any reference short, warm and general.
5. Mention new partners or stepfamily, if the bride wants it.
6. Finish with the toast.

The traditional outline for any father of the bride is in our father of the bride speech guide.

What to leave out

• Anything about the divorce, the settlement or who was at fault.
• Jokes at the expense of your ex-wife, her partner or your own new partner. Our guide to wedding speech jokes to avoid explains why.
• (Our suggestion) A wish for the couple "to do better than we did", unless the bride has agreed to hear it.
• Anything that might upset the bride. The day is hers.

Length

All Speeches Great and Small gives no word count for this situation. Our guide to speech length compares what UK sources say for the father of the bride, which ranges from 5 to 10 minutes. A tricky family situation is a reason to be shorter, not longer.

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