Best man speech for your brother: what changes when the groom is family

As your brother's best man, you have more shared history than any friend, so the job is choosing, not finding. Pick one or two moments that show who he is, connect them to the man his partner is marrying, welcome his partner into the family, and keep it to the usual best man length.

Why a brother's speech is harder than it looks

"Many grooms make their brother the Best Man", says All Speeches Great and Small, a UK speechwriting service. It adds that writing for your brother "might seem blissfully straightforward" but is not. It warns that a brother can panic that, apart from "a few incidents as toddlers and on family holidays", he knows little about the groom's adult life.

There is a second problem. You know too much. Twenty or thirty years of stories is more than any speech can hold, and a run of childhood memories quickly becomes a speech about the two of you rather than about the couple.

How long to speak

The brother's speech is a best man speech, so the usual best man ranges apply. Sources differ:

• Speeko, a US public speaking app, says to aim for 3 to 5 minutes, because "it's better to leave the guests wanting more than wishing the speech was over".
• Bredenbury Court, a UK venue, says 5 to 8 minutes for a best man. Our UK best man speech guide compares this with Bridebook's three to five minutes.
• All Speeches Great and Small says to stay "within the magic 1300 word boundary".

If other family members are also speaking, aim for the short end.

A structure for your brother's speech

Speeko's template for a brother has four parts. In our words:

1. A main message. One idea about your brother that ties the speech together, such as "he has always looked after people".
2. One story that shows that quality. This is where your childhood material belongs. One good story beats five quick ones.
3. One story about him and his partner. Something that shows why they work, or the moment you knew this was serious.
4. The future, and a toast. What you wish them, then raise a glass to them both.

Speeko also suggests thanking guests for coming at the start and again at the end, and saying positive things about your brother's spouse, including how grateful you are to have them as part of the family. As family, that welcome means more from you than from a friend.

Using childhood stories well

All Speeches Great and Small says "a great best man speech is not a collection of stories and it's not an assassination", but a warm, funny look at who your brother is. It suggests asking of each story: "What does that story say about him? How does it relate to what he became?"

That question does two jobs. It cuts the stories that are only funny to you, and it turns the ones you keep into something the room cares about. Take a made-up example. A tale about him refusing to lose at Monopoly is a childhood memory. Followed by how he now refuses to give up on anything, including winning over his partner's parents, it becomes a point about the man they are marrying.

Two more points from the same source:

• Stick to what you saw. It warns that "Nothing will sound more unconvincing than recounting a story about your brother of which you have no first hand knowledge." If you borrow a story from his university or work friends, say where it came from.
• Keep the detail light. The room does not need every date and name, just the moment and what it shows.

The family in the room

Your parents, grandparents and other siblings will be listening, and many of your childhood stories involve them too. Check that a story about a family holiday does not embarrass anyone else who was there.

Our sibling wedding speech guide notes that Speechy, writing about a brother of the bride, includes thanks to your parents as an option. As best man you do not have to thank anyone at length, but a line about the family you grew up in can land well, as long as it is brief.

If your father has died, Speechy suggests putting a tribute to him in the second half of the speech, so the tears do not take over the whole speech.

Keep his partner at the centre

The Perfect Wedding lists talking only about your sibling, and not their partner, among the mistakes to avoid. Your speech is for both of them. Name his partner, say what you have seen of them together, and welcome them into the family. Our guide to keeping your speech about the couple has worked examples of turning a story about you and your brother outward to both of them.

Start your draft

Answer five questions on theweddingspeech.ai about your brother and his partner, and see your free speech preview.