Sister or brother of the bride or groom speech: when a sibling speaks and what to say

There is no traditional slot for a sibling at a wedding, so a brother or sister speaks only if the couple asks or agrees. When you do, most sources say keep it short: The Perfect Wedding suggests 2 to 4 minutes, built around one story. Sources disagree, so agree the length with the couple.

When does a sibling speak?

Bridebook's speech order guide lists "sibling or children speeches (of both the bride and groom)" as an option, with no detail on content or placement. The Perfect Wedding says there is no traditional speaking slot for siblings, so it is optional: an honour if the couple asks, and something you can offer if they do not. It adds that if the couple would rather you did not speak at the reception, a toast at the rehearsal dinner or a private letter are alternatives. That site is not UK-specific.

A sibling can also stand in for a parent. Speechy describes a sibling taking on the father's role, welcoming guests and honouring the bride, or speaking alongside others as a "sentimental-but-funny sidekick". The Perfect Wedding says that if you are also the best man or maid of honour, follow that role's structure and add sibling memories. Our best man guide and maid of honour guide cover those. The Perfect Wedding also says to check with the other speakers so your stories do not overlap.

How long to speak

• The Perfect Wedding: 2 to 4 minutes, roughly 300 to 600 words, going up to 5 only with the couple's explicit permission.
• Speechy: a rule of thumb of "under nine minutes or 1,200 words max", and to agree the length with your sister first.
• Bridebook: roughly five minutes per speech, so a long line-up does not drag.
• Wedding Forward on a sister of the groom: conflicting figures, a five-minute maximum and three-minute minimum in one place and six minutes in another, and up to ten if she takes the best man's place.

The sources span 2 to 9 minutes, and none is UK-specific. If other people are speaking, aim for the short end. Our guide to how long each speaker should talk is a useful comparison.

A four-part outline

The Perfect Wedding's timed outline for a short sibling speech:

1. Introduction (15 to 20 seconds). Your name, your relationship and a line that sets the tone.
2. One specific memory (60 to 90 seconds). A PG story that reveals your sibling's character and that the whole room can enjoy.
3. Who they are today, and their partner (60 to 90 seconds). What you admire now, how the partner has brought out their best, speaking to the partner directly and welcoming them into the family.
4. A closing wish and toast (15 to 30 seconds). One heartfelt wish, then ask guests to raise their glasses.

If you have longer, Speechy's brother of the bride guide offers a longer outline: after the introduction it adds childhood mischief, the teenage years, thanks to your parents if you want, how your relationship has changed, how you came to like their partner, and a gentle roast before a tribute. It suggests ending with a callback to an earlier joke and a toast that includes both partners. Wedding Forward's sister of the groom guide similarly suggests thanking your parents and offering the couple good wishes or marriage advice.

What to avoid

The Perfect Wedding lists:

• Inside jokes and sharing childhood trauma.
• A highlight reel of childhood. Pick one story.
• Embarrassing secrets, exes, family drama and pre-wedding party stories. Wedding Forward also says not to mention the groom's exes.
• A CV. Speechy says a speech is a story, not a list of events, and to avoid in-jokes that only five people understand.
• Talking only about your sibling and not their partner.
• Reading from your phone or winging it. Practise aloud at least three times; Speechy suggests cue cards rather than a phone.
• Over-roasting, if others are sharing the speeches.

Our guide to avoiding offence in wedding speeches is a useful check before the day. If your father has died, Speechy suggests putting a tribute to him in the second half, so the tears do not take over the whole speech.

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