Brother of the bride speech: when you speak, standing in for Dad, and what to say

A brother of the bride speech is given either as an extra sibling speech or in place of the father of the bride, usually when their father has died or cannot speak. Keep it short, keep it about your sister, welcome her partner into the family, and finish with a toast.

When the brother speaks

There are two common situations, and they lead to different speeches.

As an extra speaker. The couple add a sibling speech alongside the traditional ones. You are one voice among several, so keep it short and personal. The Perfect Wedding says sibling speeches are "typically 2 to 4 minutes long" and lists going over 5 minutes without the couple's permission as a don't.

In place of the father of the bride. Speechy describes this as "the cheeky sibling standing in for Dad." All Speeches Great and Small says "there are a few reasons why the bride's father doesn't make a speech, and none of them are particularly pleasant", the most common being that he has died. In this case your speech usually opens the speeches, and you take on the father's jobs: welcoming guests, welcoming the groom and toasting the couple. Our guide to the father of the bride speech given by an uncle or friend covers the stand-in role in more depth.

Ask the couple which one you are doing before you write a word.

How long to speak

Source	Length
The Perfect Wedding	"Typically 2 to 4 minutes", about 300 to 600 words
Speechy	"Under nine minutes or 1,200 words max"

Speechy's figure is a ceiling, not a target. As an extra speaker, three minutes is plenty. Standing in for your father, you have more to cover, but five or six minutes still holds a room better than nine.

Tone: a brother is allowed to be funny

All Speeches Great and Small says a brother giving the father of the bride speech "should have a little more a Maid of honor/best man speech feel about it, more jokey and entertaining." You are not her dad and nobody expects you to sound like him. Speechy's advice is to "intro yourself and get an early laugh. This will relax you and your audience."

But "the wedding day is about one person only: the bride," as All Speeches Great and Small puts it. Tease her a little, then say something true and kind. Speechy says "No need to get gooey. Just be real," and to "look at your sister when you say the nice stuff."

A structure that works

1. Who you are, and why you're speaking. One line, and an early laugh if it comes naturally.
2. If you are standing in for Dad, a short welcome and thanks to guests, on behalf of your parents or your mum.
3. One story about your sister that shows who she is.
4. Your father, if he has died. Speechy says to "put it in the latter half of your speech so the tears don't hijack the whole tone."
5. Her partner. All Speeches Great and Small says to "welcome the groom into your family."
6. The toast to the couple.

Speaking about your late father

This is the hardest part of the speech, and the sources agree on keeping it brief and warm. Speechy says to "pay tribute—but don't turn it into a eulogy." All Speeches Great and Small says to "include your dad in a really positive, and if possible, funny way", and suggests "around 120" words, which "includes a toast to absent family and friends."

It also reminds you that your mum may find the day "unbelievably hard". A line for her, said while looking at her, often matters more than anything else in the speech. Our guide to remembering loved ones in a wedding speech has more wording ideas.

How to make it specific, not generic

You have known her since she was born, or she has known you since you were. Use that:

• One story with a place and a year. "The Easter we were snowed in at Nan's caravan in Tenby" beats "growing up together."
• One detail only you know. What she did the day you failed your driving test, or the nickname nobody else is allowed to use.
• Her partner's name, and one thing you have noticed about them. Speechy says to welcome them "with charm (even if you have, ahem, reservations)".
• Your father's habit or phrase, if he has died. One detail brings him into the room better than a list of his qualities.

A short example

This example was written for this page. The names and details are invented; swap in your own.

"Good evening, everyone. I'm Chris, Hannah's big brother. Dad should be standing here, and he'd have done this better and taken twice as long.

When Hannah was eight, she told me she was going to beat me at chess. I was twelve and very smug. She lost forty-one games in a row. On the forty-second, she won, then put the board away and never played again. That's my sister. She doesn't quit, and she knows when she's made her point.

Dad used to say Hannah would only marry someone who could keep up with her. Jamie, you've done more than that: you make her laugh. Welcome to the family.

Please raise your glasses: to absent friends, and to Hannah and Jamie."

It runs about 140 words. The words about Dad come late and stay short, as both sources suggest.

What to avoid

• In-jokes. Speechy says to "avoid in-jokes that only five people understand."
• Reading from your phone. Speechy says to use cue cards: "no one wants to see your WhatsApp alerts mid-toast."
• Repeating other speakers. If you have siblings speaking too, our sibling wedding speech guide covers how to split the stories.

Start your draft

Answer five questions about your sister, her partner and the story you want to tell, and see your free speech preview.