Father of the groom speech (UK): does he give one, how long and what to say

The father of the groom does not usually speak at a UK wedding, but he can, and more couples now ask. If you do, 3 to 5 minutes is the most common advice, though one source allows up to 8. Agree it with the couple first.

Does he give a speech?

Tradition favours three speakers. Great Speech's father of the groom guide says the groom's father does not usually speak, and that he is increasingly asked to. Bridebook's guide to wedding speeches lists a parent of the groom speech among its speeches, calling it "less traditional, but it's becoming increasingly common". Its speech order guide lists "mother and father of the groom speeches" as an alternative to the traditional order.

Wedding Forward says he can give one, especially if he is hosting or wants to share a message with the couple. It adds that if he cannot, the groom's mother or another close relative may speak instead.

None of these sources says he must. Ask the couple whether they want a speech, a short toast or nothing, and whether the groom's mother will speak too.

When does he speak?

None of the sources gives a fixed slot. Bridebook says the order depends on the wedding and who is speaking, and that other relatives may change it. Our order of speeches guide sets out the usual running order. Bridebook lists the parent of the groom last among its traditional speeches, after the bride. Ask the couple where you are in the running order, and what the groom and best man will cover, so you do not repeat them.

How long to speak

• Great Speech: "Aim for around three to five minutes." Much shorter can seem as if you could not be bothered; much longer risks treading on the best man.
• Wedding Forward: typically 3 to 5 minutes.
• Moss Bros: six to eight minutes, about 1,000 to 1,200 words at most. This article covers fathers of the bride and groom together.
• Bridebook's speech order guide: keep each speech to roughly five minutes, so the line-up does not drag.

Three sources say about five minutes or less, and one says up to eight. If the line-up is long, the shorter end is safer. Our guide to how long a wedding speech should be compares each speaker.

Who to thank

Great Speech suggests two groups: the bride's parents, for raising their daughter and helping make the day happen, and the guests, with a quick mention for anyone who travelled a long way. It says to keep the thanks sincere rather than formulaic. Moss Bros advises checking whether other speakers will thank the same people, and asking the couple how to handle family tensions, such as parents who are not speaking or cannot attend. Wedding Forward also suggests thanking the newlyweds and those who helped make the day special.

A five-part outline

Great Speech's suggested order, which fits its 3 to 5 minutes:

1. Welcome the bride into your family. It matters to her and her parents.
2. One or two memories of your son that show his character, ideally linked to the husband he will be.
3. Thank the bride's parents.
4. Thank the guests.
5. A toast to the couple, ending on a clear final line so guests know when to raise their glasses.

Wedding Forward gives a longer nine-part template, including advice for the couple and hopes for their future, and a shorter version of greeting, anecdotes, a compliment to the bride, blessings and a toast.

What to avoid

• Competing with the best man. Great Speech says not to compete with him for laughs; a gentle joke about your son is fine.
• A full biography. One well-chosen story works better.
• Roasting your son. Wedding Forward warns humour should never roast him.
• CV-style lists and clichés. Moss Bros advises choosing anecdotes that show personality, and avoiding clichéd wedding jokes.
• Stirring up family feuds or too many in-jokes.

Your son will probably speak too, so read our groom's speech guide to see what he is likely to thank and cover.

Delivery

Moss Bros suggests speaking more slowly than in conversation, picking a few trusted people to look at, and practising out loud, since something that reads well can be hard to say. Notes are fine, it says, but keep eye contact.

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