How to write a wedding speech: a step-by-step method

To write a wedding speech, collect your memories as notes first, choose one or two stories that show who the couple are, put them in a simple five-part order and finish with a toast. Then read it aloud with a timer and cut until it runs about three minutes.

The method below works for any role: best man, maid of honour, a parent, a sibling or a friend. Only the introduction and the thank-yous change.

Step 1: Find out your slot

Before you write a word, ask the couple or the planner three things: when you speak, how long you have, and who else is speaking. WeddingWire's speech order guide says to keep a wedding speech under five minutes and aim for closer to three. If four people are speaking, three minutes each is already twelve minutes of a reception.

Knowing who else speaks also stops you repeating them. If the father of the bride will thank the guests, you do not need to.

Step 2: Write notes, not sentences

Set a timer for ten minutes and list everything you can think of about the couple, in no order:

• How you met each of them, and how they met each other.
• The first time you saw them together.
• A trip, a flat, a job or a hard year you shared.
• Habits: what one of them always orders, says or forgets.
• The moment you knew this was serious.
• What has changed in either of them since they met.

Do not judge the list yet. You want far more than you will use, because the best line in your speech is often the fifth or sixth thing you remember.

Step 3: Pick one or two stories

Circle the one or two notes that show something true about the couple: kindness, stubbornness, how they look after each other. Dessy's guide to writing a wedding speech puts it simply: "Share a short story that spotlights something you love and admire about the couple."

A good story has a time and a place, something that happened, and a point about the couple. One well-told story is better than five quick ones. Leave out anything that needs a long explanation, involves an ex, or would embarrass someone in front of their grandparents.

Step 4: Put it in order

Dessy's five-part order fits most speeches:

Part	What goes in it	Rough share
Introduction	Who you are and how you know the couple	1 or 2 sentences
Congratulations and thanks	Congratulate the couple, thank them for including you	2 or 3 sentences
A personal story	The story you chose in step 3	About half the speech
Wishes for the future	What you hope for them, or a short piece of advice	2 or 3 sentences
A toast	Ask everyone to raise a glass to the couple	1 or 2 sentences

If you want this as a fill-in page, our wedding speech template has the same shape with blanks for each part. For the first line, see how to start a wedding speech; for the last, how to end a wedding speech.

Step 5: Write the first draft fast

Write the whole thing in one sitting, in the words you would use if you were telling the story at the pub. Do not polish yet. Spoken sentences are shorter than written ones, and they carry names: say "Sam" rather than "the groom".

Step 6: Make it specific

A common complaint about wedding speeches, especially ones written with AI, is that they sound generic. The fix is detail only you could know. Compare:

• Generic: "They are always there for each other."
• Specific: "When Alex broke an ankle two weeks before a half marathon, Jo ran the whole thing with the race number pinned on upside down, so Alex would still get the medal."

The second line is an example written for this page, not a real couple, but it shows the test: a place, an event and a detail. Go through your draft line by line and ask whether it could appear in anyone else's speech. If it could, swap it for a real detail or cut it.

Step 7: Time it and cut

Read the draft aloud at the pace you will speak at, with a timer. VirtualSpeech puts a comfortable presentation pace at 100 to 150 words a minute, so three minutes is roughly 300 to 450 words.

If you run long, cut in this order:

1. Individual thank-yous that someone else will cover.
2. A second or third story.
3. Background the room already knows.
4. Any joke you are not sure about.

Then practise. Dessy suggests reading it in front of a mirror, friends or family, and even filming yourself on your phone to catch filler words and fidgeting. Read it out loud several times before the day, and print it in a large font or on cards.

A short example

This example was written for this page. It is not about real people.

"Hi everyone, I'm Priya, and I've shared a desk, a flat and far too many takeaways with Hannah since our first week at university. Hannah, Tom: congratulations, and thank you for letting me say a few words. The first time Hannah brought Tom round, he fixed our broken oven, stayed to eat what we cooked in it, and then washed up without being asked. I texted my mum that night to say this one's a keeper. Six years on, he still washes up. I hope your home is always full of people and good food. Please raise your glasses: to Hannah and Tom."

That runs at about a minute. A full speech would add a second paragraph to the story and a line or two of wishes.

Start your draft

If you would rather start from your own notes than a blank page, answer five questions on theweddingspeech.ai and see your free speech preview.