Mother of the bride speech (UK): when she speaks and what to include

A mother of the bride speech is optional, usually comes early, and is best kept short: Bridebook suggests 3 to 5 minutes, while another source allows up to 10. The sources disagree on both slot and length, so confirm yours with the couple.

When does she speak?

Bridebook's mother of the bride guide says speeches traditionally go father of the bride, groom, then best man, but that mother of the bride speeches are increasingly common and the order can be adapted. It sets no fixed slot. Great Speech Writing says hers is quite likely to be the first speech, and that the toast to the couple is typically hers unless the father of the bride gives it first.

Bridebook's speech order guide lists a mother of the bride speech instead of the father of the bride's as one variation. See our order of speeches guide, and if the father of the bride is also speaking, our father of the bride guide, so the two of you do not repeat each other.

How long to speak

• Bridebook: "the ideal mother of the bride speech is 3 to 5 minutes long", roughly 400 to 600 words, and 1 to 2 minutes for a toast.
• Great Speech Writing: no more than 10 minutes spoken slowly, roughly 1,000 words on paper.

If yours is the first speech of the day, a shorter one sets the tone.

What to include

Bridebook and Great Speech Writing overlap on most of this:

• Welcome the guests. Great Speech Writing singles out those who have travelled far and the very young or very old. Bridebook suggests a short introduction thanking guests.
• Your daughter. What makes her special and the bond you share, with childhood or shared memories that can be light-hearted or emotional. Great Speech Writing suggests balancing pride with light teasing and weaving her achievements into stories.
• Her partner. Welcome them, with a first impression or a moment that stood out (Bridebook), and say how they have enriched her life (Great Speech Writing).
• The other family. Great Speech Writing says to thank the groom's family for their welcome and any contributions to the wedding.
• Advice. Bridebook suggests a little wisdom about love and marriage, if you like.
• A toast. Raise a glass to the couple. Great Speech Writing says to toast "Friends and Family" if the toast is not otherwise covered.

Great Speech Writing also suggests gathering anecdotes from her friends, siblings and partner, and checking with the groom and best man so you do not repeat what they will say.

A six-step outline

Bridebook's guide gives six steps without timings, which fit inside its 3 to 5 minutes:

1. Introduction. Introduce yourself and thank guests for attending.
2. All about your daughter (or son). Describe them and your relationship, including your pride.
3. Happy memories. Funny or emotional stories from childhood or your time together.
4. Welcome their partner. Recall meeting them, highlight their qualities and thank them.
5. Guidance and wisdom. Thoughts on love, commitment and their future.
6. Toast. Invite guests to raise their glasses to the couple.

Delivery

Bridebook's tips are to practise aloud several times, since hearing the words shows where the flow feels unnatural, and to use cue cards or a printed copy if they help. It also suggests slowing down and pausing between sentences, taking a moment if emotion rises (it says this is expected), making eye contact with the couple at key moments and keeping tissues nearby.

What to avoid

• Embarrassing stories and private jokes. Bridebook warns against overly embarrassing stories, private jokes that exclude guests, and anything that could make the couple uncomfortable. Teasing is fine; the aim is to celebrate. Our guide to avoiding offence in wedding speeches is a useful check.
• Too much sentiment. Great Speech Writing warns that too much "starts to sound sycophantic and dull".
• The "job application speech". Its name for listing grades and graduations in chronological order.
• Ignoring your son-in-law or offending the in-laws. Both on Great Speech Writing's list.

Start your draft

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