Mother of the bride toast: when to speak, how long, what to say

At a US wedding the mother of the bride usually gives her toast at the reception, either on her own or with the bride's father, as one of the hosts. Keep it to about three minutes, welcome the guests if you are hosting, say something true about your daughter and her partner, and end by raising a glass to them both.

If you are in the UK, where the line-up and timing are different, see our mother of the bride speech guide for UK weddings.

When the mother of the bride speaks

There are two possible moments, and many mothers speak at only one of them.

At the reception. WeddingWire's guide to who gives a speech says: "The father of the bride and/or mother of the bride will congratulate the newlyweds and give a toast." The same guide says the reception is traditionally hosted by the bride's parents, and when parents host they may welcome everyone and raise a glass to the other set of parents and the couple.

WeddingWire's reception timeline puts toasts during the meal: "The best man goes first, followed by the maid of honor and parents of either spouse." It also describes a separate welcome speech before the meal, from the couple and/or other hosts. If you are hosting, ask the couple whether they want you to give that welcome or a toast later.

At the rehearsal dinner. WeddingWire's rehearsal dinner guide says that traditionally the groom's father spoke first, then the bride's father, then the mothers, and that parents can speak in any order. The rehearsal dinner is more relaxed and the room is smaller. Our rehearsal dinner toast guide covers that evening in full.

Event	Who usually hosts	Your likely role
Rehearsal dinner	Traditionally the groom's family	A toast after the host, if you wish
Reception	Traditionally the bride's parents	Welcome and toast, alone or with the father
Either, if the couple host	The couple	A toast when invited

WeddingWire notes that nearly half of couples now pay for their own wedding events, so ask the couple which role they want you in rather than assuming.

How long

Source	Guidance
WeddingWire, speech order guide	Under five minutes, closer to three if you can
WeddingWire, reception timeline	Three to six minutes per speech
WeddingForward, rehearsal dinner	Around three to five minutes

WeddingWire adds that a parent's reception toast "will be fairly fast, especially if the parents made a lengthy or heartwarming toast at the rehearsal dinner." If you speak at both, save the longer story for the dinner and keep the reception toast short.

At a comfortable 100 to 150 words a minute, as VirtualSpeech puts it, three minutes is roughly 300 to 450 words.

Speaking with the bride's father

If both parents want to speak, there are three common ways to do it:

1. One toast each. Usually back to back. Agree who covers the welcome and thank-yous, so it is said once.
2. A joint toast. One welcomes the guests and thanks the other family; the other tells the story about the couple and gives the toast.
3. One parent speaks for both. Say so at the start: "Mark and I wanted to say a few words together."

Whichever you choose, read each other's drafts. Two parents telling the same childhood story is an easy way for a joint toast to drag. Our father of the bride toast guide covers his side.

A simple shape

1. Welcome. If you are hosting: thank everyone for coming, especially those who travelled.
2. The other family. A warm line to your daughter's partner's parents.
3. Your daughter. One memory that shows who she is, not a list of her childhood.
4. Her partner. When you first met them, or a moment you knew they were right for her.
5. The toast. Ask everyone to raise a glass, and name them both.

How to make it sound like you

A mother of the bride toast goes generic when it is all adjectives: "beautiful", "kind", "the perfect couple". Every mother in the room could say that about her own daughter. Replace each adjective with a moment that proves it.

An example written for this page, about no real people:

"When Emma was seven, she gave her birthday money to the class hamster fund without telling anyone. We only found out when the teacher thanked us. Jordan, the first time you came to dinner, you quietly cleared the table while the rest of us were still talking, and I thought: there's another one. Please raise your glasses to Emma and Jordan."

The details (the hamster fund, clearing the table) are what make it hers. If a line could appear in any mother's toast, swap it for something only you know.

The wording that ends it

End with a short, clear cue so the room knows to lift their glasses: "Please join me in raising a glass to Emma and Jordan." The Emily Post Institute says the person being toasted stays seated and does not drink to themselves, and that you do not need alcohol to propose or drink a toast.

Start your draft

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