Mother of the groom speech (UK): does she speak, and what to say

The mother of the groom does not usually speak at a UK wedding, but it is increasingly common and welcome if the couple ask. Bridebook calls it "less traditional" and says it is "becoming increasingly common".

Does she have to speak?

No. The traditional UK speakers are the father of the bride, the groom and the best man. Wedding Planner's etiquette guide says "the order is usually Father of the Bride, then the Groom, then the Best Man", and mentions the groom's parents only as possible extra speakers. Guides for Brides describes the traditional etiquette without any groom's parent, and says speeches "can be adapted to best suit your wedding".

Bridebook's guide to wedding speeches says a speech from the parents of the groom is an opportunity "to express their love and pride in their son, and to welcome the bride and her family into their own family". If nobody has asked you, it is fine not to speak. A toast or a few words in private are other options.

When does she speak?

Bridebook's speech order guide puts "the parent of the groom (if any)" last in the traditional list, and names mother and father of the groom speeches as one way to change the order. It gives no more detail. Our order of speeches guide covers the usual running order.

Wedding Planner advises that with more than three speakers you can spread them across the meal, "so people aren't sitting listening to speeches for over half an hour in total". Ask the couple or the toastmaster which slot you have.

How long?

We found no UK source that sets a length for the mother of the groom, so treat these as guides, not rules:

• Paperlust suggests 2 to 4 minutes, or 300 to 500 words. It is an Australian publisher and its examples use American English.
• Father of the groom, UK: Great Speech suggests three to five minutes, and says his speech does not need to be the longest or the funniest. See also our father of the groom guide.
• Wedding Planner says a speaker should aim for ideally around 5 minutes and no more than 1,000 words.

Two to four minutes is the safest range if you speak last, after several others.

Who to thank

• The guests. Paperlust suggests opening by thanking them for being there. Great Speech suggests a brief thank you to all guests, with a special mention for anyone who travelled far.
• The bride's parents. Great Speech recommends a few sincere words of thanks to them.
• The bride's family. Paperlust suggests one line acknowledging them, such as saying you are glad to be joined to them. Bridebook says to welcome the bride and her family.
• Not suppliers. Guides for Brides says it is not appropriate to thank suppliers, though a relative who made the cake or arranged flowers should be thanked. Paperlust says not to list vendors, venues or every guest.

A five-part outline

This follows the arc Paperlust recommends. The timings are Paperlust's and apply to the first part only.

1. Thanks and welcome. Thank the guests, then say who you are (about 30 to 45 seconds).
2. One memory of your son. A single specific story is easier to tell, and to remember, than several.
3. Welcome the bride by name. Say what you have seen in them together.
4. One piece of advice or a sincere wish. Keep it short.
5. The toast. Raise a glass to the couple, ending on a line that sounds like you.

Example lines, to adapt: "Thank you all for being here, especially those who travelled a long way." "I would like to welcome [name] into our family." These are examples, not quotes from a real speech.

Check before you write

Ask the couple whether you are expected to speak, where, and roughly how long. Check with the best man and groom so you do not tell the same story. Our guide to avoiding offence in wedding speeches is a useful last read.

Start your draft

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