Wedding speech for a cousin: when you speak and what to say

A wedding speech for a cousin is usually short and by invitation: two to three minutes, often at the rehearsal dinner or as one of the extra speeches at the reception. Say how you are related, tell one family story, welcome their partner into the family, and raise a glass to the couple.

The right speech depends on what kind of cousin you are. Some cousins grew up like siblings; others meet mainly at weddings and funerals. Both can give a good speech.

When a cousin speaks

Cousins are not in the traditional line-up, so the couple decide.

• Rehearsal dinner (US). WeddingWire's rehearsal dinner guide says close friends, family and out-of-towners are often invited, "including aunts, uncles, and cousins," and has a section for aunts, uncles and other family members who want to toast. Our rehearsal dinner toast guide covers that evening.
• Reception. Usually only if you are in the wedding party, such as a cousin who is the maid of honour or best man, or if the couple ask you. In that case, follow that role's structure and add the family material below.
• Ceremony reading. WeddingWire's guide to who gives a speech says friends and relatives who are not already in the wedding party are great choices for readings.

If nobody has asked you, ask the couple before you plan to speak.

How long

Source	Guidance
WeddingWire, rehearsal dinner	A maximum of three minutes per toast
WeddingWire, speech order guide	Under five minutes, closer to three

At a comfortable 100 to 150 words a minute, as VirtualSpeech puts it, two to three minutes is roughly 200 to 450 words. As an extra speaker, aim for the short end.

If you grew up together

If you spent every summer, Christmas or school holiday together, you have more material than you need. The risk is a speech full of family in-jokes that the other half of the room cannot follow.

• Pick one story. A holiday, a den, a disaster at Grandma's. One story told well beats a list of memories.
• Explain it in a sentence. Assume your cousin's partner's family has never heard of the caravan in Wales.
• Bring it up to date. Show how the cousin you grew up with is still there in the person getting married.

Many of the same rules apply as for a brother or sister. Our sibling wedding speech guide covers childhood stories and how far to take them.

If you are not that close

If you see your cousin a few times a year, do not pretend otherwise. Guests from your side of the family will know.

• Use the family. What do aunts and grandparents always say about your cousin? What has changed since they met their partner?
• Ask around. A parent or sibling can give you one good story in a phone call.
• Speak for the family. A cousin is well placed to say what the wider family thinks of the new partner.

Our guide to a wedding speech for someone you're not close to has more on writing honestly from a distance.

A simple shape

1. Who you are. "For those who don't know me, I'm Kate, and Becky's mum is my mum's sister."
2. One story. Something that shows who your cousin is.
3. Their partner. When you met them, or what the family noticed.
4. The welcome. A line welcoming the partner into the family, on behalf of the cousins if you like.
5. The toast. Raise your glass and name them both.

Making it specific

Cousin speeches go generic when they lean on what "family" means in general: "family is everything", "blood is thicker than water". Every family could say that. Use the details only your family has: the place you always went, the nickname, the dish your grandmother made for every birthday.

An example written for this page, about no real people:

"For those who don't know me, I'm Kate, Becky's cousin. Becky and I spent every August at our grandparents' house in Cornwall, and every August she tried to organise the rest of us into a talent show. Most years, I was the entire audience. When I met Aaron, the first thing he asked me was whether it was true that Becky once charged us 10p a ticket. Aaron, it was, and you have no idea what you're in for. Welcome to the family. Please raise your glasses to Becky and Aaron."

That runs about 45 seconds. It has one place, one habit and one line for the partner, and none of it could be dropped into another family's speech.

What to leave out

• Family feuds and old grudges. The wedding is not the place.
• Exes and embarrassing stories the couple would not want their grandparents to hear.
• Long lists of relatives. Thank-yous are for the hosts.

Start your draft

If you have the family stories but not the words, answer five questions on theweddingspeech.ai and see your free speech preview.