Best man toast: when it comes at a US reception, how long and how to end it

At most US weddings the best man gives the first toast of the reception, soon after guests sit down to eat, and keeps it to about three to five minutes. It ends with everyone raising a glass to the couple.

Where the toast falls

WeddingWire's guide to wedding speech order lists the usual US line-up:

1. Best man, shortly after everyone is seated.
2. Maid of honor, immediately after.
3. Parents or hosts, who often welcome and thank the guests and toast the couple.
4. The couple, optionally, to thank everyone.

Its reception timeline says toasts typically happen while guests are eating, and its best man guide also says the best man is typically first.

Not every source agrees. The Emily Post Institute says the host traditionally offers the first toast, and that the rule still applies at wedding receptions. At a wedding hosted by the bride's parents, that can mean a short welcome from a parent before you stand up. Ask the couple or the planner which order they want, and who will hand you the microphone.

How it differs from a UK best man speech

If you have been reading British advice, expect a different job. Our UK best man speech guide draws on UK venue and planning sites; this table sets the main points side by side.

	US best man toast	UK best man speech
Place in the order	Usually first	Traditionally third, after the father of the bride and the groom
When	During the meal	Traditionally after the meal
Length	Three to five minutes at most (WeddingWire)	Sources range from 3 to 8 minutes
Thanks	Brief gratitude at the start	A line or two replying on the bridesmaids' behalf
Name used	"Toast", "best man speech"	"Best man speech"

Bridebook gives the traditional UK order and says UK speeches traditionally follow the meal. In the US you are usually opening the toasts, so your job is to set a warm tone for the speakers after you and hand over on time.

Our guide to a wedding toast vs a wedding speech explains why the two words are used loosely, and why it is worth asking the couple what they expect.

A plan for three to five minutes

WeddingWire's best man guide runs through steps that fit in that time:

• Thank people first. A sentence of gratitude to the hosts and the couple.
• Say how you know the groom. One story that shows who he is. WeddingWire suggests an inside joke can open this part, but explain it so the room can follow.
• Move to the couple. WeddingWire says to focus on their relationship, not just yours with the groom. Say something specific about his partner.
• Finish with congratulations and a toast. Ask the room to raise their glasses and say both names.

At a calm pace of 100 to 150 words a minute, as VirtualSpeech puts it, three to five minutes is about 300 to 750 words. Read it aloud with a timer before you trust any word count.

What to leave out

WeddingWire's list is short:

• Inappropriate anecdotes.
• Any talk of exes.
• Foul language.
• Long-winded stories.

It also says to limit alcohol, since anything more than one drink during cocktail hour could backfire.

Getting ready

WeddingWire suggests practicing aloud three or four times, recording yourself, and using notecards or a small notepad so you are not staring at paper the whole time. Know your last line by heart; it is the one everyone stands for.

Our guide on how to end a wedding speech has the wording for the toast itself and what to do with your glass.

Start your draft

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