Best woman speech at a UK wedding: when she speaks, structure and an example

A best woman is a woman chosen to do the best man's job, and her speech takes the best man's place in the running order, usually last. Aim for about five to seven minutes, with two or three stories that only you could tell.

Who a best woman is

Great Speech, a UK speechwriting site, says that whether "you've been picked by the groom as his closest friend, or the couple have decided to shake up the traditional line-up, the role carries the same weight and responsibility as the best man's". It lists the jobs: to "support the groom (or bride, depending on who asked you), look after the rings, help coordinate the day, and make a speech."

Guides for Brides says "You can have two best men if you'd like to (or a best woman / best person)." So a best woman may be the only one, or may share the role with a best man.

The speech itself does the same work as a best man speech. Our best man speech guide covers the classic jobs, such as the stories, the thanks to the attendants and the toast. Everything there applies to you.

When she speaks

Bridebook gives the traditional UK order as father of the bride first, "the groom second and the best man rounding things off." If you are the only best person, you take that closing slot.

If there is a best man as well, the couple decide. venues.org.uk, a UK venue directory, says "A chief bridesmaid, maid of honour or best woman often speaks just before the best man, or takes the closing slot." Ask the couple early, because closing the speeches usually means you also introduce the next part of the day. Our order of wedding speeches guide covers the other common running orders.

How long to speak

• Great Speech: "Aim for five to seven minutes".
• Bridebook: "Aim for around five minutes per speech."
• venues.org.uk: "Around five minutes is enough for most speakers. A best man's speech often runs a little longer, at about seven minutes."

If two best people are speaking, take the shorter end. The guests have already heard the father of the bride and the groom.

A structure to follow

Great Speech gives five parts, in this order. The notes under each are our suggestions.

1. Introduce yourself. Say who you are and how you know the groom (or the bride, if she asked you). Some guests will not have expected a best woman, so one line explaining the choice helps.
2. Talk about your friendship. This is the heart of it. Great Speech says "Two or three well-told stories are better than a dozen half-remembered ones."
3. The bride (or partner). Welcome them, and say something true about what they have changed in your friend's life.
4. A touch of emotion. One sincere sentence about what your friend means to you.
5. The toast. Ask everyone to stand and raise a glass to the couple.

Making it sound like you, not a template

A common worry about speech writers and AI tools is that the result sounds generic. Great Speech puts the fix in one line: "The best wedding speeches are the ones that feel like they could only have been given by one person."

Three things make a best woman speech specific:

• Names. Name the place, the year, the flat, the car, the friend who was also there. "When we shared a flat on Hope Street in 2014" lands better than "when we lived together".
• A story with a moment in it. Not "he's always been loyal", but the night he did the loyal thing. Pick the story where something actually happened.
• One detail only you know. The nickname, the thing he says when he is nervous, the text he sent the day he met his partner. Check with him first if it is private.

Skip any jokes about it being unusual for a woman to be best man. The guests already know, and it spends your first minute on you rather than on him.

Example best woman speech

This is an example written for this page. The names and story are invented. It runs about 260 words.

Example: Good evening, everyone. I'm Priya, and I've been Tom's best friend since we were eleven, when we were the only two people in our class who chose clarinet. Neither of us was any good. We were bad together for seven years, which is how most good friendships start.

When Tom asked me to be his best woman, he said, "You know all the stories." That's true, and I've agreed to tell only two of them.

The first is the summer we were nineteen and drove to Cornwall in his mum's Fiesta. It broke down outside Exeter. Tom spent four hours on the hard shoulder reading the manual aloud to me, cover to cover, convinced the answer was in there. It wasn't. The answer was a man called Gary with a tow truck. But I learnt that Tom does not give up on anything he cares about.

The second is the text he sent me three years ago, at 11.42 on a Tuesday night. It said: "Met someone. Think this is it. Don't make it weird." I didn't make it weird. I just saved it, and I'm reading it to you now.

Hannah, you have made my oldest friend happier than I have ever seen him, and you laugh at his clarinet stories, which is more than I ever managed.

Tom, I'm proud of you. Please stand and raise your glasses to Tom and Hannah.

If the bride has a man standing for her instead of a maid of honour, our man of honour speech guide covers his side.

Start your draft

Answer five questions on theweddingspeech.ai and see your free speech preview. Put your real stories and names in the answers; the draft can only be as specific as what you tell it.