Man of honour speech at a UK wedding: when he speaks, structure and an example

A man of honour is a man, usually the bride's brother or close friend, who takes the maid of honour role, and his speech fills the maid of honour slot, which usually comes after the best man. Five to seven minutes is the common advice, built around stories about the bride.

Who a man of honour is

Cicinia, a UK bridesmaid dress retailer, says "A man of honour is either a male family member or a close friend chosen by the bride. He performs the duties and responsibilities of the maid of honour." It adds that "An honour attendant is another term for a man of honour."

Bridebook's maid of honour guide does not mention men by name, but says more couples are including a maid of honour speech, "particularly as wedding parties become less rigidly gendered."

Is the speech compulsory? Cicinia says "Part of the on-the-day task of a man of honour is to give a wedding speech when asked to", and that "While it is common to give a wedding speech, it is not required." Ask the bride early.

When he speaks

The traditional UK order is father of the bride, groom, then best man, and Bridebook says maid of honour speeches "generally follow the best man but the order needn't be set in stone." Speechy, a UK speechwriting service whose co-founder has been a man of honour three times, writes for South Asian weddings that "It's likely your speech will be wedged in the middle of the running order, maybe after the Best Man, which can often be a hard act to follow."

So the slot varies. Ask the couple, and the best man or best woman if there is one, so you do not tell the same story. Our order of wedding speeches guide sets out the common running orders.

How long to speak

• Bridebook: "Aim for five to seven minutes – roughly 700–900 words at a comfortable speaking pace."
• Speechy: "between 5 and 8 minutes is the magic spot."

If you follow the best man, the room has already sat through three speeches. The shorter end is the safer choice.

A structure to follow

Bridebook's maid of honour tips give five parts with timings. They work unchanged for a man of honour:

1. Introduce yourself (30 to 45 seconds). Say how you know the bride. If some guests will not expect a man in this role, one line explains it: "Sophie asked me because I've been her best friend since we were four."
2. Stories about the bride (2 to 3 minutes). Speechy's advice is to "see if you can find a theme that links them all."
3. When she met her partner (45 to 60 seconds). What you saw change.
4. Something genuine about the couple (45 to 60 seconds).
5. The toast (30 seconds).

Our maid of honour speech guide covers the same role in more depth, including what to leave out.

Making it specific

A common worry about speech writers and AI tools is that the result sounds generic. Bridebook's fix is the best one-line rule we have found: "Replace every adjective with a story and the speech immediately becomes more powerful." Its example: "Don't tell the room she's generous. Tell them about the time she drove two hours to pick you up when your car broke down".

For a man of honour, that means:

• Use names and places. The school, the street, the flatmate, the year.
• Tell what you saw, from where you stood. A brother remembers different things from a best friend. Use the angle only you have.
• Add one detail only you know. The phone call, the thing she said about her partner on the second date, the song she sings in the car.

Leave out jokes about being "one of the girls". They are about you, not her, and they date quickly.

If a woman is standing as best man on the other side, our best woman speech guide covers her speech.

Example man of honour speech

This is an example written for this page. The names and story are invented. It runs about 250 words.

Example: Hello, everyone. I'm Dan, Sophie's brother, and for today only, her man of honour. When she asked me, I said yes before she had finished the sentence, which she says is the first time I have ever listened to her all the way to the end. It still isn't.

Sophie is two years older than me, and she has been looking after me for thirty years. When I was seven, I lost my school bag on the way home. Sophie walked the whole route back with me in the rain, looking in every hedge on Mill Lane, and when we found it she carried it home herself so I couldn't lose it again. That's Sophie: she doesn't just help, she finishes the job.

Then she met Alex. The first time she brought him home, she rang me the next morning and asked, "Did Mum like him?" She has never once asked what Mum thought of anything. I knew then.

Alex, you have taken on someone who will walk back through the rain for you, and who will tell you exactly what you did wrong all the way home. You are a lucky man, and I think you know it.

Sophie, I'm proud to be standing up here for you. Everyone, please raise your glasses to Sophie and Alex.

Start your draft

Answer five questions on theweddingspeech.ai and see your free speech preview. Put your real stories and names in the answers; the draft can only be as specific as what you tell it.