Groom's speech: when to give it, who to thank and how long

In the US a groom's speech is a short thank-you and toast, given at the rehearsal dinner, the reception or both. He thanks the guests and both sets of parents, says something true about his new spouse, and raises a glass, usually in about three minutes.

When the groom speaks

There is no single slot. The Emily Post Institute's advice on the groom's toast says "The toasts usually occur during the reception or the rehearsal dinner."

At the rehearsal dinner. Emily Post says "At the rehearsal dinner, the host of the dinner, traditionally the groom's father, makes the first toast," and "After that, the floor is open and the groom can stand to make his toast." WeddingWire's speech order guide says that at the rehearsal dinner the couple "will take a few minutes to thank their relatives and wedding party."

At the reception. Emily Post says "At the reception, the best man leads off the toasting," and "The groom's toast can come any time after the best man has made his toast," adding that the parents will most likely toast ahead of him. WeddingWire describes the couple saying "a few brief words to kickstart the reception meal and thank guests for coming."

If you speak at both, use the rehearsal dinner for the more personal thanks to family and the wedding party, and keep the reception speech to a welcome, the key thanks and your toast. Do not repeat the same story. Our rehearsal dinner toast guide covers who else speaks that night.

Who to thank

Emily Post puts it in one line: "Thank everyone for coming and thank your parents and hers." WeddingWire calls the couple's reception speech "a wedding thank-you speech to everyone involved: the bridal party, family and guests." A practical order:

1. The guests, especially anyone who traveled a long way.
2. Your spouse's parents, for welcoming you and, if they are hosting, for the day.
3. Your own parents.
4. The wedding party, by name.
5. Anyone who made the day happen: the officiant, a relative who baked the cake, friends who helped set up.

Keep the list moving. Our guide to who to thank in a wedding speech has the full list and how to group names.

How long

Source	Guidance
Emily Post, the groom's toast	"Keep it short."
WeddingWire, speech order guide	Under five minutes, closer to three if you can
WeddingWire, rehearsal dinner guide	Rehearsal dinner toasts a maximum of three minutes

At the 100 to 150 words a minute that VirtualSpeech gives as a comfortable pace, three minutes is about 300 to 450 words.

A simple outline

1. Open. Thank the person who spoke before you, and introduce yourself if many guests do not know you.
2. Thanks. Guests, both sets of parents, the wedding party, helpers.
3. Your spouse. One moment from your relationship. Emily Post suggests "brief personal (not too personal!) stories" and to tell your spouse "how much you love her."
4. The toast. Raise a glass to your spouse, or to everyone who came.

Emily Post also warns: "don't tell embarrassing stories or go on and on and on."

How it differs from the UK groom's speech

In the UK the groom's speech is one of the three traditional reception speeches, after the father of the bride and before the best man. In the US the best man and maid of honor carry the reception toasts, and the groom's words are a shorter thank-you that can move to the rehearsal dinner. Our UK groom's speech guide covers the British version.

Make it specific, not generic

A groom's speech goes generic when it thanks "everyone who made today possible" and calls the spouse "my best friend." Instead:

• Name names. "Thank you, Aunt Carol, for the flowers" lands better than "thanks to all our family."
• Give one moment, not a summary. The first date, the move, the night you knew. Say where and when.
• Say what your spouse does, not what they are like. Real actions are what the room remembers.
• Mention something only this day has. The weather, the venue, who flew in from where.

Example groom's speech

This is an example written for this page. The names and details are invented. It runs about 170 words.

Example: Thank you, Mike, for that speech, and for leaving out Las Vegas. For those who don't know me, I'm Chris. On behalf of my wife and me, thank you all for being here, especially Grandma June, who flew in from Phoenix at eighty-eight. Jim and Carol, thank you for this beautiful day and for making me feel like a son from the first Thanksgiving, even after I dropped the pie. Mom and Dad, thank you for everything, and for coming to every soccer game I lost. To Mike, Danny and the groomsmen, and to Lauren and the bridesmaids, thank you for keeping us sane this week. Katie, on our second date you made me pull over so you could move a turtle off the road. You do that for everyone, and today you chose me. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to deserve it. Please raise your glasses. To my wife, Katie.

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