Who to thank in a wedding speech: a list for each speaker

Each speaker thanks a few people close to their own role: the father of the bride thanks guests and his wife, the groom thanks both families and his helpers, and the best man thanks the hosts and the groom. Agree the split in advance.

Who thanks whom

Great Speech Writing's guide to who to thank comes from a UK speechwriting service. It suggests:

Speaker	Usually thanks
Father of the bride	The guests, especially those who travelled far; his wife, for organising the day and bringing up their daughter. Optionally his other children, the officiant and friends who helped.
Groom	The father of the bride for his speech; the guests; his new in-laws, for raising his wife; his bride; his own family and any elderly or special guests; the best man, ushers and bridesmaids.
Best man	The hosts, and the groom for asking him to be best man.

The same source says the best man's role is to "provide amusement rather than sincerity", so his thanks should be brief. It suggests he asks the groom whether he wants to hand over any of his thanks.

Our father of the bride guide goes into more detail on his speech.

Who to leave out

Great Speech Writing's groom's speech structure guide advises against thanking the venue, caterers or photographer, because "they are all being paid". The who-to-thank guide gives the same rule more generally, advising you to "restrict your thanks to volunteers rather than paid professionals".

Both are one company's advice. Guides for Brides agrees: "It is not appropriate to thank your suppliers." It makes an exception for relatives who helped, such as one who made the cake or arranged the flowers, who should be thanked. Whether to thank a wedding planner who has gone well beyond the job is a judgement for the couple, which none of these sources settles.

Do not repeat each other

The advice is to share the list across the speakers. Great Speech Writing says to check with the other speakers and not to "assume anything". If the father of the bride has already thanked the guests, the groom can tie his thanks to what was said, as the source suggests. The usual running order is in our order of wedding speeches guide.

Why the thanks matter

Thanks are the part of a speech most likely to be repeated by the next speaker, and the part guests notice if someone is missed. The sources do not say how many people to thank. They agree on the groups above and on keeping the list to people who gave their time, not those paid to be there. If you are unsure whether to name someone, ask the couple before the day.

How to keep thanks from dragging

• Do not read a plain list. The source says to weave thanks around the creative parts of the speech so they do not "suffocate" it.
• Group people. Siblings, in-laws and ushers can be thanked together, which is our suggestion rather than a quote.
• Name the reason. "Thank you for raising your daughter" lands better than a name alone. That is also our suggestion.
• Keep it to what you can say in a breath or two for each group. The sources give no word count.

Family situations

If parents are divorced, the usual list needs care about who is named and in what order. See our guide on the father of the bride speech when parents are divorced.

Start your draft

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