Impromptu wedding toast: what to say when asked on the spot

If you are asked to give a wedding toast on the spot, say who you are, say one true and specific thing about the couple, and ask everyone to raise a glass to them by name. That takes thirty seconds to a minute, and it is all anyone expects.

Being handed a microphone without warning happens most at rehearsal dinners with an open mic, at smaller receptions, and when a planned speaker cannot make it.

The 30-second formula

Step	What to say	Example wording
1. Who you are	Your name and how you know them	"I'm Sam, Lucy's cousin."
2. One true thing	A single detail, memory or quality	"Lucy has never once forgotten my birthday."
3. The toast	Raise your glass and name them	"Please raise your glasses to Lucy and Ben."

Three sentences is a complete toast. If something else comes to mind, add one more sentence to step 2, then stop.

Before you stand up

You may have thirty seconds while the microphone is passed along. Use them:

1. Pick one memory. Not the best story you know, just the first clear one that shows something good about the couple. A story that needs background will not work off the cuff.
2. Decide your last line now. "To Lucy and Ben" is enough. Knowing how you will finish stops you rambling while you look for a way out.
3. Check your glass. Wikipedia's article on toasts says the person giving a toast "should never do so with an empty glass, even if the glass contains nothing more than water."

If you are not on the list

An unplanned toast can upset a carefully timed evening. Inside Weddings' rules for wedding toasts says it is best to know in advance who will speak and in what order, and that "anyone not on the list should check with the couple before making impromptu speeches."

So if nobody has asked you, ask the couple, the planner or whoever is running the speeches before you stand up. At a rehearsal dinner with an open mic, the invitation is already there. Our rehearsal dinner toast guide covers who usually speaks at that dinner.

How long

Shorter than the planned speeches. Inside Weddings says a toast should be "brief, lasting no more than a minute or two at most," and that a great wedding speech can be as short as a few lines. The Emily Post Institute says simply: "Keep it short and to the point."

The wording that ends it

The end of a toast is a cue for the room, so make it clear:

• "Please raise your glasses to Lucy and Ben."
• "Would you all join me in a toast: to the newlyweds."
• "To Lucy and Ben. Cheers."

Emily Post's sample toast, for any occasion, is "Here's to good cheer, health and happiness for us all." For a spontaneous toast, it suggests that if you are stuck, you tie the toast to the occasion. At a wedding, that means the couple.

Then raise your glass toward the couple and take a sip. Inside Weddings says the person giving the toast raises their glass toward the couple and leads the guests in taking a sip, and that the couple "remain seated and don't drink when being toasted". Our guide to ending a wedding speech covers standing, drinking and tapping the glass in more detail.

What to leave out

Unplanned toasts go wrong in predictable ways. Inside Weddings' list of things to avoid applies even more when you have not prepared:

• Talking about yourself instead of the couple.
• Past problems the couple have had.
• Old flames. Inside Weddings says never to reference them at the wedding.
• Jokes you are unsure about. It says to keep humour "light and clean".

Add one of your own: do not apologise for not having prepared. Everyone saw you get handed the microphone.

Making it specific with no time

An off-the-cuff toast slides into lines that fit any couple: "a match made in heaven", "perfect for each other". The fix is one concrete detail. Think of a place, a habit or something one of them said, and build your one sentence around it.

Two examples, written for this page and about no real people:

"I'm Ravi, and I lived next door to Mia for three years. Every Sunday, she'd knock on my door with leftovers, and since she met Josh there have been twice as many. Please raise your glasses to Mia and Josh."

"Hi, I'm Claire, Tom's aunt. When Tom was ten he told me he'd only marry someone who liked camping in the rain. Sophie, I'm told you've been to Wales with him four times. To Tom and Sophie."

Each one names the speaker, gives one detail no one else could, and ends with the couple's names.

If you will be asked again

If you suspect you will be called on, at the next family wedding or the reception tomorrow, a toast is different from a full speech; our guide to wedding toasts and wedding speeches explains the difference. And if you want something written in advance, answer five questions on theweddingspeech.ai and see your free speech preview.